I Don't Wanna Wait for Democrats to Move Over
by KeepingUpDisappearances
Summary: Dale's latest conspiracy theory about the 2016 election leads to talk about the current political atmosphere-and Hank declaring that Rainey Street must always remain free of Democrats. To his horror, however, a new neighbor reveals herself to be a Democrat-and she's calling for Trump's impeachment! Can Hank learn to be tolerant? EDIT: Finished!
1. The Election According to Dale

"Yup," Hank Hill said.

"Yup," Bill Dauterive and Dale Gribble echoed.

"Mm-hmm," Boomhauer added.

"Did you get your air conditioning fixed yesterday, Dale?" Hank asked idly, wiping sweat off of his forehead. It was a very hot day in Texas, and the alley was like an oven. The beer cans the three friends held were already dripping with condensation.

"Yeah," Dale said. "It got fixed by the black man that Lady Bird tried to kill."

"She wasn't trying to kill him, Dale," Hank snapped. "She was just scared that he might not fix the AC well enough."

"It sure is a hot one," Bill said, but the conversation fell silent. It seemed the weather was the only thing to talk about, and that had already gotten boring.

"Why don't we listen to the news?" Dale asked. "I want to see if they're still talking about the Russia investigation. They're on the right track, you know."

"Got dang it, Dale, not you too!" Hank said in disbelief. "President Trump worked hard to get where he is today. Nobody rigged the election!"

"That's not what I'm saying, Hank," Dale said defensively. "The election _was_ hacked—by the Clinton campaign. You see, Hillary couldn't handle the campaign. That's why she was fainting and barking like a dog! But she didn't want to look like she was bowing out, so she conspired with the Russians to elect Trump. She did a good job pretending to be outraged that Trump won."

Everyone stared at Dale with raised eyebrows, but he shrugged his shoulders, confident as usual in his latest conspiracy theory. He turned to his portable radio and tuned it to FOX News Radio. Everyone else in the alley, even hank, had switched to more modern devices, but not Dale. He claimed that mobile devices and products like Amazon Echo had hidden microphones built in to record conversations and send them back to the government.

"—to our top story," a broadcaster was saying. "As plans to build the border wall move into place, environmental activists are rallying desperately against President Trump. The latest fear is that one section of the wall will disrupt a Texas wildlife refuge— "

Hank turned the radio off, glowering.

"I'm so tired of those bleeding-heart tree-huggers!" he said. "They keep putting animals ahead of safety and progress!"

"I tell you what, them environmentalists just might be dang right, yo," Boomhauer said, and Hank stared at him as if he had gone crazy.

"What are you saying, Boomhauer? Don't you care about Texas? Don't you care about _America?_ "

Boomhauer launched into a speech about how the wall really wouldn't be effective, and construction would lead to soil erosion and flooding. Then, too, a lot of Texas's tourism was from naturalists and birdwatchers, and the state would lose that money; and if Trump really did build a wall, public feeling against Texas would worsen and who would help the state out when they needed it?

"You're a good orator, Boomhauer, but that wall's going to be built. Trump is putting America's safety first! Boomhauer, you'd better not be going Democrat on me."

"If I _was_ I hope it wouldn't make a dang'ol difference, I'm your friend, Hank."

"I know, Dale, but Rainey Street has been Democrat-free for as long as I remember," Hank said, then looked up the street. A moving van was pulling up to a driveway one house over from Hank's; the Hills were getting new neighbors again.

A few minutes after the van had come to the house, a large, orange, Toyota Prius rolled up behind it. Hank looked askance at it—he still thought that hybrid cars were for the "bleeding-heart tree-huggers" that he had mentioned earlier. But he shook his head a moment later as a tall blonde woman stepped out and waved to him, Bill, Dale and Boomhauer. No sense in passing judgment on someone who was fortunate enough to move to Rainey Street.

"Howdy, new neighbors!" she shouted.

All four ambled over and cheerfully greeted her. Her name was Debbie Pinson; she'd just moved from Arizona, and was single (Bill's eyes lighted after this). She had gotten a job in Arlen after being laid off; she was going to be assistant systems analyst to who else but Kahn! So Hank was laughing and chatting with the rest. Debbie seemed like a really nice woman, even if her car wasn't very "Texan" to Hank.

Then Hank glanced at the back of the said Prius.

"Bwaah!"

"What's the matter, Mr. Hill?" Debbie asked concernedly.

"N-nothing," said Hank. "I'm just—feeling a little faint from the heat. I think I'll go in."

He dashed into the Hill residence, desperately looking past the bumper stickers that read 'Dump Trump', 'You can build a wall over my dead body', and 'Lifetime Democrat'.

* * *

DISCLAIMER: The political views and expressions are based on the characters' personalities and histories in the context of the show. I'm not advocating any particular position.

Everyone in the story is the same age as they are in the series. I've just written them into the present time.


	2. Hank Has Something to Say

I finally finished a new chapter! I hope y'all enjoy this and PLEASE remember that this is all in fun, and I'm not trying to make political statements!

* * *

Just as Hank walked into the house, Peggy came out holding a large, steaming pot. Hank sniffed the air and smiled appreciatively; his wife had made spaghetti and meatballs—or, as Peggy would insist, spa-Peggy and meatballs.

"Are we eating outside today, Peggy?" Hank asked, looking confused. "It's kind of hot for dining outdoors, don't you think?"

"Oh, you silly!" laughed Peggy. "This is for our new neighbor! I saw you and the boys talking with her. Is she nice?"

"Well…yeah…" Hank said slowly. "She is _nice_ , I guess, but…"

"But?" Peggy said impatiently.

Hank sighed. "I don't mind you and Bobby being friendly to her, but don't get too 'chummy' with her, would ya?"

"Hank Hill, stop beating around the bush! What's wrong with—what's her name, anyway?"

"Debbie Pinson. And there's nothing with her…strictly speaking. It's just that she's a… _Democrat!_ "

"Oh, who cares?" Peggy said, waving away Hank's concern.

"She has a bumper sticker that suggests she wants to _impeach Donald Trump! Our president!_ "

Peggy rolled her eyes and gave Hank her best "you're-being-ridiculous" glare before heading off to Debbie's house. Hank stared after her, shaking his head. He couldn't ever remember a Democrat living on Rainey Street. Kahn and Minh weren't straight-ticket Republicans, as much as Hank would have liked them to be, but they at least went for fringe candidates or independents, preferring not to go for the most powerful and publicized contenders. Other people might see that Hank was intolerant, but in his mind, Hank honestly thought he was looking out for the welfare of the neighborhood by not wanting Democrats to live there.

He was still lost in thought when Peggy came strolling up.

"Well…how'd you like her?" Hank said worriedly as the two walked into the house.

"All in good time, Hank," Peggy said. "It's time for dinner. Bobby! There's fresh spa-Peggy and meatballs on the table!"

Of course, the Hills always said a prayer before dinner. Tonight, it was Hank's turn; he thanked God for Peggy, Bobby, President Trump, concealed weapon permits, propane, the Dallas Cowboys, and barbeque, before making requests of God—tonight's request being that God make President Trump "the greatest president since Ronald Reagan."

"How did your visit with Debbie go?" Hank asked immediately after the family said 'amen'.

"Oh, she's a really nice woman," said Peggy cheerfully. "She didn't mention politics at all, and she was telling me all about how much better she likes a small town like Arlen than Flagstaff, where she was born."

"Well, all right! Maybe having a Democrat as a neighbor won't be as risky as I thought!" Hank said. "As long as she doesn't try to convert everyone into becoming a Democrat, that's all right."

"There's nothing wrong with Democrats," Bobby said, but only because he felt ignored. "Connie says that Mrs. Clinton would have made things more fair for women. Wouldn't you want things to be more fair for women, Dad?"

"Don't mention 'C-L-I-N-T-O-N' in this house, Bobby," Hank said severely. "That woman didn't want to make America great again."

"John Redcorn said that America isn't great, it's just that it's gotten better than it had been," Bobby said, remembering the Native American's stories of his heritage.

"Bobby…room," Hank snapped, waving his son away.

 **xXx**

Debbie invited her neighbors for a "getting-to-know-you" barbeque. Everyone on Rainey Street was invited. They could smell burgers and German sausages frying, and everyone sniffed appreciatively—except for Hank, who looked askance at the grill.

"Hey, an electric grill!" Kahn said wickedly, looking slyly at Mr. Hill. "Hank, here's the first non-propane grill on Rainey Street!"

"Electric!" Hank exclaimed, horrified.

"Don't worry, the food will taste just as good as charcoal-grilled food with my secret spices!" Debbie said, handing Hank a plate with a hamburger on it.

"Charcoal!" spluttered Hank.

"Is he okay, Peggy?" Debbie asked, raising an eyebrow.

"He's fine. He's just very particular about grilling," said Peggy. "He doesn't mean to sound rude. Do, you, Hank?"

Peggy jabbed her husband in the ribs, and Hank nodded half-heartedly.

"I just think that propane makes a better meat," Hank said. "You see, I'm assistant manager at Strickland Propane. I sell propane and propane accessories—ever since I learned that a propane grill really, really, brings out the flavor of meat."'

"Would you consider grilling with charcoal or electric?" Debbie said politely. "Propane is bad for the environment."

This was enough for Hank.

"Come on, Peggy, Bobby, we're leaving!" he snapped as he dropped his plate on the nearest table, routed his humiliated wife and his son, and hurried them wordlessly out of Debbie's yard, leaving their neighbors staring after him.

"Look at that redneck run!" Kahn exclaimed gleefully.

In the meantime, the Hills were back in their house, but Peggy wasn't going to let Hank walk away. She confronted him, still looking embarrassed—and furious.

"That—was—humiliating!" she exclaimed after telling Bobby to go to his room; she didn't want to fight in front of her son. "Debbie was being perfectly nice! This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't acted like Debbie using an electric grill is akin to being a traitor!"

"Well, she didn't have to say what she did about propane, either!" Hank said.

"She was just explaining why she doesn't use propane," Peggy said.

"She was— ," Hank tried to argue, but then fell silent. "Maybe I was wrong to act like I did, but Debbie's a bleeding-heart tree-hugger, I'll tell you hwat! I'm not going to talk to her ever again."

" _I_ am," said Peggy, marching away.

 **xXx**

"That really was rude of you, Hank," Bill said later that day as the alley gang gathered together.

"You're just sticking up for her because you want her to go out with you," Hank grumbled, unusually nasty to his friend.

"I tell you what, Hank, that was a dang'ol shame you did," Boomhauer told Hank.

"Dale…?" Hank ventured.

"Dale isn't here," Dale said. "This is Rusty Shackleford. I don't get involved in disputes of virtual strangers."

Hank sighed as he looked at the unmoving faces of his friends, feeling, for the first time, a sense of guilt. He glanced toward Debbie's house, and saw her arranging a rock garden on her front lawn. Hank took a deep breath and headed for his slice of humble pie.

"Hey, there—uh, Debbie," Hank said slowly.

"Oh…hi, Hank," Debbie said awkwardly. "How are…things?"

"Not very good," Hank said. "I came to apologize. A Texan and an American should have been more neighborly. I know you didn't mean any harm when you explained why you don't want to grill with propane. I promise I'll be at your next barbeque—with Peggy and Bobby, of course. Bill says your grilled German sausages were really good."

Debbie smiled. "Thank you, Hank. That was really gracious of you."

"What are neighbors for?" Hank said happily.

The following morning, Hank went cheerfully to work. So what if some people didn't grill with propane? They were missing out (he thought), but many other people used propane. He even sold _ten_ grills before he had to clock out and go home.

So it was a cheerful Hank who walked into the door of the Hill residence—until he heard a familiar voice saying:

"I didn't know Hillary Clinton was so talented, Mrs. Pinson! I'll write all about her now! My American history professor says I better do well on this essay if I want to pa—,"

"What are you telling my niece?" Hank shouted, storming into the living room. Debbie and Luanne were sitting on the couch, and Luanne was scribbling frantically in a notebook.

"Uncle Hank!" Luanne said. "Mrs. Pinson's just helping me write an essay for my history class! I need to pass, because it's a required class if I want to become a beautician!"

"You could have asked me about _really_ talented women—like Lady Bird Johnson or Laura Bush!"

"Shut up, Uncle Hank!" Luanne said, her normally passive voice harsh.

"It's okay, Luanne. I'll leave," Debbie said hastily, and she hurried out of the house.

After that, there was absolute silence; Hank opened his mouth to speak, changed his mind, and slunk away. Just a few minutes after _that_ , Peggy came back from a trip to the grocery store, and Luanne poured out her frustrated story—and Hank nearly leapt a thousand feet in the air when his wife came reeling into their bedroom.

"I could _kill_ you, Hank Hill!"


	3. Hank, Humbled

"I was just protecting Luanne from these…radical ideas!" Hank protested.

"I'm ashamed of you, Hank Hill," Peggy said. "You're always saying Democrats are intolerant and rude. But the only one being rude and intolerant is _you!_ "

"Debbie had no business interfering with Luanne's learning!"

"And you _do_?"

Hank stopped short and looked regretfully at the floor. As much has he hated to admit it—and he did, upon Peggy's stare—she was right. It wasn't any of his business who Luanne asked for help with her essay. It wasn't even any of his business whom she chose to write about it. If Luanne wanted to write about 'C-L-I-N-T-O-N'…then let it be.

"How are you going to apologize to Debbie?" Peggy demanded.

"I'm going to the mall. I won't be back for a while," Hank said mysteriously.

The Arlen Mall was crowded but Hank only needed one store. He made his way through the throngs and soon found himself at Ink Blot Books, heading to the autobiography section right away. His eyes scanned the titles quickly and he found the book he wanted to buy. It took all of Hank's self-control not to give up on this idea right away—but he'd been horrible to Debbie and was determined to make it up to her.

It was no easy task to knock on Debbie's door, for Hank felt humiliated. He had only himself to blame, however, so he gave Debbie his most apologetic smile when she opened the door, as well as the book, which he had wrapped in paper with a Texas flag design on it.

"Open it," he said quickly.

Debbie gazed at her neighbor with stony eyes, but she dutifully tore open the package. When she saw what Hank had gotten her, she gasped in surprise.

"Where is Hank Hill and what have you done with him?" she said with a grin.

"Just my way of apologizing. Again," Hank muttered, feeling oddly shy. "I thought you might find it interesting. It might help you give Luanne some pointers on her essay."

Debbie smiled. "Good idea."

On that hot summer afternoon, Debbie sat contentedly in the shade of the backyard tree, sipping lemonade and reading the book that Hank Hill had purchased for her— _Hard Choices_ , by Hillary Clinton.

 **THE END**

* * *

The midterms in Florida ended yesterday and I got inspired to !FINALLY! finish this fic. A big thanks to y'all for your support.

And let me reiterate again that this is for humor only and I am not advocating for any person or party in particular!


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